It takes a village to raise a child...where the hell is that village?

These guys are awesome - who wouldn't want to spend time with them?

Everyone wants to imprint on a new child - it's in our nature.  We look for ourselves in family members because we want to feel that connection, we want to feel that genuine family bond.  We all want to have an impact on each other too.

When I had Thomas and Ethan, I saw people I hadn't seen my whole teenage/adult life and received gifts and cards from folk that I barely even knew.  People who didn't even know us, but had known our parents when we were small suddenly wanted to 'come and see the baby'.

Everyone felt entitled to a cuddle.  It made us feel valued, warm and appreciated - like everyone around us was going to be this huge safety net for us and our children, should we need it.

Neighbours used to stop us on the stairs and talk in cooing whispers to our newborns, while the folk who lived across the road handed in some really gorgeous gifts a couple of years back at Christmas time, just because they knew we had a toddler and a baby.

Everyone wants to spend time with the new baby.

Sooo squishy! Why can't they stay that way?

As parents of two small energetic children, and ourselves with very full and busy lives, we spend a lot of time seeking out our 'village' now, but the thing is, in a world where technology rules, money talks and everything is so fast-paced, our village has become bulldozed down and turned into a huge, scary, city.

It takes a whole village to raise a child

As our children have grown and changed from placid babes in arms who like a nice nap every morning, to bouncing chatterboxes who want to dress up and play all day, we are completely on our own - that village has disappeared.

Unless we want to pay for it.

Our society has changed so much in terms of what it offers parents in terms of social interaction for their children.

More than ever we are being pushed into commercialization from all angles.

Money, money, money!

School holidays have become less about trips away with family and more about expensive trips to the theatre, holiday camps, the cinema to see the latest film and keeping up with all the other commercial stuff that every other kid is doing, to keep yours in the loop.

We are constantly trying to widen our children's experiences of this ever-changing world, but the hard truth is that unless you have money, it is becoming more and more difficult to keep up with the new 'family values'.

With technology comes the ability to keep in touch over great distances, and a lot of our friends or family are now just a Skype session or social app away.  But can this really make up for real-time interaction and lessons that can only be learned from a couthy neighbour or an elderly relative?

For my part, I can remember going to an elderly neighbour's house where he taught me how to make 'James Bond Cookies' (secret recipe!) and listened to his tales about his escape from Rhodesia in the middle of the night, walking my friend's elderly neighbour's dog when she took ill and spending loads of time with various aunties and uncles on trips to the beach and spending the night.  Not to mention the hours and hours we spent playing outside and knowing who everyone in our neighbourhood was.

Ah, Neighbours! Those were the days!

Nowadays, people keep their distance, everyone is scared to let their children play outside and especially watches what their neighbours are up to.

The concept of 'grandparent' has changed within our generation too - with the older, more Victorian values dying out with our grandparents, whose parents taught them Victorian ways. We are entering an age now where 'Grandpa and Grandma' don't sit in their chairs and knit while the children play happily in the corner, seen but not heard but a lot are hands-off in a different kind of way, with lives of their own, and often in far-flung retirement villas.  Some are still at work and don't have time or the energy to play with their grandchildren in the way that they'd like, and some aren't in a position to see their grandchildren at all, either due to family separations or bad relations.

How cute are these doll-house sized Victorian Grandparents?

The commercialization in the job markets had led to bigger businesses being flung in far away places, and now aunties and uncles are all over the globe in search of their fortunes, perhaps only meeting with immediate family for weddings and funerals.

And now, in place, in the void that has been created, stand a plethora of expensive child-care options, all promising the same creativity, lessons and values to meet your children's particular age-group and scientifically factored to tender their needs.

Everyone has their excuses at the ready:

'We're so busy'
'We're working so hard'
'There's no time'

But when do we envision that we will make up this missed time?

We are now stuck in this endless cycle of family stepping back to make way for what they think is better for the kids, commercial/scientific money-makers stepping in to fill that void and parents struggling to keep their children in a social loop which has been created and perpetuated by all three things.  We need to step back and find our family values again.

Parenting is tough and we should be supporting each other more.

They grow so quickly!

Spend time with the children in your lives, not money on them.

Expensive gifts don't make up for years missed.

Children know the difference.

Whether or not you are a parent, a friend, an auntie, an uncle, a distant relation; be there for that family.

Let's get back to the village.

Ethan's grommets

We weren't surprised when we found out our youngest was deaf, it was actually a relief to find out what wrong with him. It was something we had known about for ages but the wheels of the NHS grind unbearably slowly.

Thomas, our eldest son had been really quick in his development. He was talking by the age of one and holding full conversations quite easily by the time his brother was born when he was two. Ethan on the other hand struggled to get going with his speech, didn't interact with us in the same way and wasn't interested in story books. We spent a lot of time questioning ourselves our parenting. Was this second child syndrome?We were pretty knackered as Ethan was (and still is) a terrible sleeper. 

We also at one point questioned whether he might be autistic. A lot of the symptoms are the same- lack of concentration and interest in activities, difficulty playing with other kids, delayed language development, frustration. 

Then he was struck down with 10 ear infections in 5 months. It felt like we were at the doctor on a weekly basis. He started to hate the doctor. We started to hate the doctor. And I'm pretty sure the doctor started to hate us!

Eventually we saw the specialist and a whole new battle started. He was tested, we realised our wee boy was deaf and the consultant suggested that we do nothing. "Let's test him in 6 months, hopefully it will improve. We don't like going down the surgery route anymore." 

Everyone had their tonsils out when I was wee and as far as I knew grommet insertion was a pretty minor deal. I couldn't see the value in waiting another 6 months, but he was the expert and deals with these things all the time so we accepted his advice and went home for another 6 months of frustration and tantrums. Looking back I wish we had forced the issue straight away. If I had trusted my gut and pushed harder for surgery we might have avoided a lot of tears and misery. 

At the next appointment a different consultant, directed by our concerns, referred us immediately for surgery and about 2 weeks later he got his appointment. Although we were relieved we were really worried as well. After all, we had been told they don't like to dish out surgery anymore and there is always a slight chance things could go wrong isn't there? 

I did a bit of googling- bad idea! The whole thing looks pretty disgusting.



But then I checked out the NHS website and it did help to put my mind at rest, at least a little.

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Glue-ear/Pages/Treatment.aspx

We were a bit anxious about how our wee terror would behave in the hospital so we spend quite a bit of time in preparation. In his bag of tricks we took:

1. Loads of books
2. Pyjamas
3. Pull ups
4. Stitch (The stuffed toy he got at Disneyland after Stitch picked on his dad in the Live Stitch Show- much to his glee!)
5. Cars
6. Jake and the Pirates toys

Ethan with Stitch

We got there feeling ready for a long, boring wait, but were greeted by friendly nursing staff who allocated him a bed and showed him straight into the playroom. He was totally in his element and so relaxed in the setting. He let the doctors examine him without a word of complaint and didn't say a word when they put the anaesthetic (magic) cream on his arm. The staff were all really skillful with their distraction techniques and to be honest I think he didn't really notice what was happening.

When it was time for the operation itself he was allowed to drive to the operating room on a really cool toy car and was distracted with an Ipad while the doctor put him under. This was honestly the only difficult part for me. Once the anaesthetic his his blood stream he faded like a light. It was surreal to see him drop off so suddenly, and then we just had to leave him in the capable hands of the doctors. He just looked so wee and defenseless.

I felt a bit guilty and a bit anxious as we sat in the waiting room, but after about ten minutes we got the call that he was finished and on his way back to the ward. And that was it, except that he slept for about 2 hours after the operation. Other children came and went and we just sat there watching him sleep. It was the longest and most boring part of the day. Eventually he woke up and we got to go  home.

All in all his care was fantastic and the staff were all excellent. I just wish that all hospital wards were run in such a friendly and open way.

His recuperation period was fine as well. Just a few spots of blood and some tears about wearing cotton wool in his ears in the bath. We solved this by all plugging ourselves up and calling the improvised earplugs 'Santa's beard'.

Since the operation his life has changed so much. He talks; actually we can't shut him up. And pretty much straight away he stared correcting some of the errors in his speech. I do miss some of these though. Never again will he tell me, "I c**t do that daddy!"
 It feels great not to have to shout to get through to him, although there is always an element of selective deafness in every child!

He is much happier as well now. He gets on much better at nursery, plays so much more appropriately at home an his imagination has flourished as well now that he can actually interact with his surroundings.

We are unbelievably glad that we did force the issue and push for surgery. It has made all the difference to our 3 year old and his quality of life. Now if we could just get the wee monkey to sleep all night in his own bed...

'We're Going On A Bear Hunt...'

Saturday Adventures!

Saturdays when I am not at work are always the best.  I work alternate Saturdays in a children's library - which I love to death - but nothing beats a Saturday at home with my own children.  There's always an adventure waiting for us.

We do, ironically, spend a lot of time at our local library with our kids at the weekends, whether I am working or not.  Reading is something I am very passionate about, and I am keen to foster a love of it in my boys.

Plus, it's free!  And anything which is free for children to do at the weekend should be coveted.

The library is always such an exciting place for my kids - they ask about it over the week with an air of awe, as if magic lived behind those large wooden doors; which it does, of course (I am in no way biased).

'Mum, are we going to the library at the weekend?  I really want to get a new book on Space!' Tom will ask, eager to learn more about his current school topic.

Or, from Ethan,

'Mum, I go to abary to get Bear Hunt Book?'

Ethan is currently obsessed with the Michael Rosen/Helen Oxenbury book We're Going On A Bear Hunt.  It accompanies him in the car, in bed at night and even to nursery.  We of course have our own copy, but Ethan still loves to get it every time we go to the library, and no amount of persuasion will advise him otherwise!

One afternoon he sat with the book on the couch and the video with it on YouTube, delighting in being 'read to' by the wonderful audio/visual and squealing with delight every time the bear emerged from the cave to chase the family home.  It's a really funny video and lovely for wee ones.

After the library, we usually do something fun, and now that Spring is finally upon us (kinda), we are spending loads more time outdoors.

I'm loving the age that the kids are at just now - old enough to be slightly more independent and still young enough to just enjoy a tramp around the woods, with no agenda (another fab FREE activity!)

Everywhere we go, Ethan uses his imagination, and the rest of us get in on the act.  He really does just delve right in, and we have had great fun doing all sorts of things together in the most random of places.

Today we find ourselves at Reres Hill in Broughty Ferry.  If you've never been, Reres is a very old place, dating back to the pre-Victorian era.  It sits nestled amongst new  and old houses alike, along a busy main road and is mainly used by dog-walkers.  But when you are in amongst the trees, you really could be in the middle of nowhere.

 It was somewhere I went as a child with my grandparents, as a walk to the top of the hill takes you to one of the best, and most little-known viewpoints in Dundee.  The path to the top is worn and not maintained and a lot of trees are very old and gnarled.  Which is awesome - it's great having a feeling of untouched nature or a kind of 'lost age' in the middle of suburbia.

A lot of the root-structures of the trees look like this! And stretched out over the hill, they make excellent footholds when climbing up the steep path, let me tell you!

Someone's also planted some beautiful daffodils, which, as bulb plants do, have spread throughout the park to give a stunning display.  The kids have christened it 'The Daffodil Park'.

So, we might have looked batshit-crazy to the few dog-walkers who happened to be marching their pooches through the park that day, but hey, when you have a small child with you, anything goes, right?  Or, that's what I'm hoping!

Because...We're Going On A Bear Hunt!

The good folks over at PlayTalkRead.org ( http://www.playtalkread.org/making-play-part-of-your-day) advocate that any play with your child is good play - children build so many skills from playing in places like this, and adding in Ethan's knowledge of We're Going On A Bear Hunt  gives us total brownie-points for his literacy development.

My wee Hobbit

We did have a great time climbing the hill, looking for the old path that leads to the top.  Tom gave us kittens a couple of times when he just started to forge his own way to the top, with the biggest stick I've ever seen and my mind wandered to bad places a few times; Tom impaled on his stick stuck at the top of a hill, Tom falling down the hill edge into brambles, Tom just generally injuring himself in any unlikely way (he is ridiculously clumsy, it verges on comedic/terrifying).                                                                                                                                    

Dad saves the day!

 For maximum bear-hunt affect, we took the dog with us.  He's 18 now, and not half as lively as he used to be, but he still enjoyed a good sniff around the woods.  Doesn't he look great for his age?  Here he is enjoying a particulary awesome smell.  He might be slightly more blind and deaf now, but there's nothing wrong with his sniffer!                                        

Sparky's nose knows no age!

Hmm!

We ran through those woods, we climbed the hills, we jumped out at each other from behind the bushes, we 'found' the bear and we screamed and ran from the bear.  We had a great time!

Of course you don't have to go to the woods to re-enact your own Bear Hunt with the kids.  We do this in the house, we sing it in the car, in the garden - the possibilities are endless!  Most times we skip to the end bit - you know, because being chased by a bear is very exciting.  Letting your kids explore and go wild with their imaginations is one of the pleasures of having children - you never know where they are going to take you.  Like the magic that lies behind those library doors, the stories, the possibilities, the opportunities are endless.

Ethan found the old path to the top in the end!

If you are looking for some inside Bear-related fun, check out these FREE printables from WordsForLife and the Literacy Trust: http://wordsforlife.literacytrust.org.uk/bear-hunt

One thing's for sure, we WILL be going on a Bear Hunt again...and again, and again, and again!