Saturday, 30 August 2014

Beginnings and Endings

How time flies - these guys grow too fast!

Today, my family is on the cusp of change.

Dave starts a new job on Monday, and while we have all lived quite happily with his regular 9 - 5 job, he works in the care sector, of which 9 - 5 jobs are thin on the ground.

However, like anyone who has to embrace change in order to progress, he has made the decision to move on and to absorb whatever the impact might be in order to improve.

Not an easy decision at all.

To leave his comfort zone, to leave a job that fits well around our family life, that doesn't eat into family time or see him spend any due amount of time away from the kids, in pursuit of something which may or may not work out to be a better fit, is a tough call.

What if it doesn't work out?
What if we never see each other?
What if we end up working opposite shift patterns?
What if it's not as challenging as he hopes it will be?
What if he's left something good, for something not so good?
What if?
What if?
What if?

Retrospect aside, change is a good thing.  Scary, but necessary.  We are no strangers to change; indeed, having moved house 6 times in the last 6 years, we are more than used to adapting to ever-developing situations.

We've dealt with a lot over the years. We ourselves have constantly adapted to survive, and have gotten quite good at knowing what works.

I don't know if it's getting any easier though.

I always think about things deeply as they end.  There are so many thing in life that we never get to say goodbye to - so when you realise that you might be doing something for the last time, I suppose it makes it more poignant. More reflective.

If I know I'm going to be doing something for the very last time, I try to say goodbye to it, no matter how insignificant it seems at the time.

It's so easy to just live your life and to have everything whipped out from under your feet very suddenly, without even being aware that it's happening.

  One day you are stressed, tired and hoping that your child will just go to sleep.  You've both been up since 5a.m and as a result the day has dragged, a grumpy child and mama in tow.  You put him to bed and he begs to hear that song that he loves as he goes to sleep - he wants you to sing it.  It's the last thing you want to do - you just want to shut off and forget the world. You begrudgingly, half-assedly sing it, angry with him for dragging out bed time when you have so many things to do with what little energy you have left.

One day you realise, that you haven't sung that song for two years - it's been so long since your baby asked you to sing him to sleep.  You never even noticed it happening.  You try to think back to the last time you sang that song, his favourite song to him.  You can't remember - you are sure you sang it with love and joy; you loved singing him to sleep...

It's always so easy to acknowledge beginnings with trepidation, hesitation, worry.  It's normal to be anxious as you spread out into the unknown, not knowing where it's going to take you. It is more difficult to acknowledge and notice the little endings - harder even to say to yourself 'this is the last time'. Don't be scared of endings - they are simply the start of another new journey.

It is good to acknowledge change when you can, and to embrace the beginnings and endings when you can.

Today i am aware of change.  I am aware of the impact it has on us all, and I am trying to hold on to the smaller changes within our lives, which although are in no way seismic, do happen sometimes without us realising it. Who knows where we will all be at this time next year? It's all very exciting.

You never know when it's going to be the last time.  But you can always try to make it a good time.


  1. Nice post lady! I'm sure it will be fine! Xxxxx
    P.S Who knows what will change in the next month nevermind the next year. Change is good!

  2. I'm with you... back to work as a part timer on Tuesday. I'm pretty sure I will weep all day xx

  3. Great post :)
    This has made me feel more positive about the possible changes that are about to happen to


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